RADICAL ACCEPTANCE SKILL

SESSION ONLINE VERSION

Theme song: “All Star” video.

MINDFULNESS “WISE MIND – SMALL FLAKE” EXERCISE ACTIVITY

Step 1: Focus your mind on your breath, coming in and going out.

Step 2: As you breathe naturally, imagine you are by a mountain lake on a warm sunny day. It is large, clear and very blue. The sunlight is reflecting off the lake.

Step 3: Imagine you are a small flake from a large piece of stone near the lake. Imagine being picked up and gently tossed out into the middle of the lake, skimming across the cool clear water.

Step 4: Now imagine you are slowly, very slowly, floating down, noticing all that is in the lake.

Step 5: Finally, you settle on the bottom of the lake looking at what is nearby.

Step 6: When you are ready, open your eyes. Come back to the room trying to maintain your awareness of that clear center that is now within you.

Discuss: What was your experience like? What did you notice? ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Think: Review your commitments from the IMPROVE the Moment – DBT Skill session.

·      Practice at least two specific IMPROVE Skills during the week when you feel distressed:

·      Complete the Weekly DBT Diary.

·      Come prepared to the next session to share your experience using DBT skills.

1. When we find ourselves in a perceived or actual crisis situation, it can be difficult to think straight. We may turn to defense mechanisms to cope or may make spontaneous and emotionally based choices, which don’t always turn out well. For some people in order to escape the distressing emotions that may include self-harm or suicidal behaviors. Feeling out of control may be the most distressing part of any crisis situation. Sometimes there is nothing we can do to change or improve a bad situation. DBT’s Radical Acceptance skill helps us learn how to be in control by giving up the need to be in control. It is the skill of accepting the things you can’t change.

Watch: “Shrek: Swamp” video.

2. There are five basic ways of responding when something comes into our life that is hard to accept:

a). Figure out how to solve the problem.

b). Change how you feel about the problem.

c). Accept it.

d). Stay miserable.

e). Make it worse by acting on impulsive urges.

Discuss: How did Shrek respond, a). through e)., to the crisis of losing his swamp? ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

WAYS TO RESPOND ACTIVITY

You’re worried after having a major argument with a family member or friend. What to do? Brainstorm what each of these five responses, a). through e). could look like. If you get stuck, we have including some ‘troubleshooting’ prompts after each response.

a). Solve the problem; change the situation. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Troubleshooting prompts: Perhaps you can de-escalate the conflict, but your family member or friend has just left town on a trip.

b). Change the painful emotion.

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Troubleshooting prompts: You might try to think about the situation differently and tell yourself, “It’s not worth worrying about; they’ll get over it.” If you cannot find a way to feel differently about it or it does not work because you know how much the argument hurt your relative you might try to use IMPROVE the Moment skills. Using imagery and imagining yourself repairing the transgression and it working out well, finding meaning in the pain, or relaxing your body.

d). Stay miserable.

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Troubleshooting prompts: Screaming, crying, cursing, and complaining to others about how that relative or friend did you wrong, and remaining angry, worried, and repeating out loud that “This isn’t fair! He or she always blames me!”

e). Make it worse.

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Troubleshooting prompts: Breaking things, driving recklessly, abusing substances, impulsively texting the family member or friend nastier sentiments, and being unable to focus on anything else.

c). Accept it.

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Troubleshooting prompts: Emailing your friend or family member an apology immediately, accepting the consequences gracefully, asking the family member what could be done to repair the relationship damage, and committing to communicating your feelings more effectively, without name calling, in the future, and following through on it.

Discuss: Which response a). through e). was the easiest for you to choose? Which was the hardest? Why?____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Watch: “Father of the Bride” video.

Discuss: Accepting the situation means that you deal with what is actually happening and figure out what the situation calls. How did Steve Martin’s character from “Father of the Bride” do in responding to the challenge’s associated with his daughters’ wedding?____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

3. When we can’t solve the problem or change our emotions about the problem, acceptance is a way to reduce suffering. Reality acceptance skills help us learn how to fully accept painful circumstances that cannot be changed, rather than avoiding or fighting them in a way that only increases suffering. Denial of the facts does not change the facts -- 8 hot dogs and 12 hot dog buns. Radical Acceptance and a willingness to embrace reality as it is, can reduce emotional suffering and help us move forward in a more centered and effective manner.

4. “Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation. To choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, is to choose one’s own way.”  (Viktor Frankl, Holocaust survivor and author of “Man’s Search For Meaning”.) Seeing reality for what it is can help convert pain we cannot cope with into suffering that we can cope with. Rejecting reality does not change reality, rather it helps to turn pain into suffering. Refusing to accept reality can keep you “stuck”, spinning your wheels in unhappiness, anger, shame, sadness, bitterness or other painful emotions.

Discuss: Does acceptance mean approval?
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Watch: “Jaws” video.

5. Acceptance is seeing reality for what it is, even if we don’t like it. Acceptance means to acknowledge, recognize, endure, not give up or give in. It’s when we stop fighting or throwing tantrums about reality and let go of bitterness. It is the opposite of “Why me?” Acceptance is the skill of accepting things as they are -- that we can’t change. The Radical Acceptance skill is complete and total accepting in mind, heart, and body. One of the survivors of the USS Indianapolis was a neighbor of the writer. Woody talked freely about his almost five days in the water, understanding that when you avoid all contact with the things that cause you discomfort, the more likely they are to come back to haunt you. Facing and accepting distress head-on reduces suffering. Like Robert Shaw’s character in Jaws you cannot always deal with painful situations immediately -- sometime you have to tolerate and accept painful feelings that you cannot change, at least until “a big ol’ fat PBY comes down and starts to pick you up”.

Watch: “Radical Acceptance End Credits” video.

As we roll the Radical Acceptance end credits think about what is the most important thing you learned in this session and what will you do differently because of what you learned. Write your thoughts below.

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Session Commitments

If I find myself in a crisis, practice Radical Acceptance using the skills in this session.

Complete the Acceptance Worksheet included with this session.

Complete the Weekly DBT Diary.

Come prepared to the next session to share your experience using DBT skills.