TURNING THE MIND SKILL

SESSION ONLINE VERSION

Theme Song: Watch “Turn, Turn, Turn” video.

MINDFULNESS WISE MIND – SPIRAL STAIRCASE” EXERCISE

Step 1: As you sit, focus your mind on your breath. Attend to your breath coming in and going out.
Step 2: As you breathe naturally imagine there is an inner spiral staircase within you and that you are walking down that staircase. Going at your own pace, making the stairwell as light or dark as you wish with as many windows as you wish.
Step 3: As you walk, notice if you are tired or afraid, sit down on the steps if you wish, walk down stairs as steep or as shallow as you wish, the stairwell as light or dark as you wish.
Step 4: Notice as you walk down you are moving toward your very center, toward wisdom, your own “Wise Mind”. Simply walking down at your own pace, stopping and sitting when you arrive at a still point.
Step 5: When you are ready, open your eyes, come back to the room, trying to maintain your awareness of that clear center that is within you.

Discuss: What was your experience like? What did you notice?

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Review your commitments from the “Radical Acceptance – DBT Skill” session:

·      If I find myself in a crisis, practice Radical Acceptance using the skills in this session.

·      Complete the Weekly DBT Diary.

·      Come prepared to the next session to share your experience using DBT skills.

1. Acceptance of reality as it is, sometimes requires an act of choice. It is like coming to a fork in the road and purposely turning your mind down the “reality road”. The Turning the Mind skill refers to making the choice to accept a situation. Acceptance is a two-step process not a one-time decision. The first step is to notice you are not accepting reality -- feeling anger, bitterness or asking “Why me? The second step is to make an inner commitment to accept. Acceptance sometimes only lasts a moment or two, so people have to keep turning the mind over and over and over. The more painful the event, the longer it can take to accept it fully.

Watch: “Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring” video.

2. When Elijah Wood’s character in “Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring” found himself struggling during his quest to destroy the One Ring, he had to turn his mind over and over and over again to going down the road to Mordor. With the help of Sean Austin’s character “Frodo” carried himself with composure and calm, hardly ever flagging in his optimism and dedication to the task at hand. Turning the mind is a choice that has to be made every day—sometimes many, many times a day, or even multiple times in an hour or a minute.

TURNING THE MIND PRACTICE ACTIVITY

Imagine you have a customer service job at a call-in center for a large company where people often wait a long time on the phone to get helped. By the time they get to you they are frequently hostile and angry. You find it hard to not get judgmental and irritable.

Discuss: How could you ‘turn your mind’ to acceptance when these kinds of customers come to your station?____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

3. Our beliefs can sometimes interfere with acceptance. You may believe that if you accept your painful situation, you may become weak and just give up or give in, approve of reality, or accept a life of pain. Emotions can also get in the way. Intense anger at the person or group that caused the painful event; unbearable sadness; guilt about your own behavior; shame regarding something about you; rage about the injustice of the world. Like the Lord of the Rings characters remember acceptance does not mean approval.

4. The Willingness Skill is doing exactly what a situation calls for. It is being effective. Willfulness, is denying life or refusing to be a part of it. Giving up and sitting on your hands instead of doing what is needed in the moment. Throwing yourself into trying to control events, those around you, and so on. Trying to control experience, avoid it or escape from it, and so on. Holding back, saying no, or more commonly saying, ‘Yes, but . . . ’. It is trying to impose your will on reality—trying to fix everything, or refusing to do what is needed. It is the opposite of doing what works. Focusing on ego, on self-centered wants, on ‘me, me, me.’ Holding a grudge or bitterness. Willfulness is trying to change a situation that cannot be changed, or refusing to change something that must be changed.

Watch: “Henry V” video.

Discuss: Outnumbered 10 to 1, what does Henry V ask his men to do that leads to one of the great victories in military history? (6,000 Frenchmen lost their lives, 400 Englishmen.)

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WILLINGNESS PRACTICE ACTIVITY

You are part of a team at work. A team member asks you at the last minute to help out on a really important task for a team presentation that he or she fell behind on and is due first thing tomorrow.

Step 1: How could your ‘willful’ self respond? ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Step 2: You are about to say NO to the request for help, but ask yourself, ‘What’s the threat?’ You realize you initially responded willfully because: ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Step 3: After noticing this willfulness, you turn your mind and decide to respond to the request for help in a ‘willing’ way that could include:

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Discuss: Share with the group potential willful and willing responses. How did it feel to “turn your mind away” from willfulness towards willingness?____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

5. Replacing willfulness (pride) with willingness (humility) allows the world to be what it is and participate in it fully. Doing just what is needed—no more, no less. It is being effective, listening carefully to your Wise Mind and deciding what to do. When willfulness doesn’t budge, you may need to use a Mindfulness exercise to be in the moment and help develop a more accepting mindset. Practice willingness by rehearsing in your mind those things that you would do if you really did accept reality as it is, turning your mind back to accepting the reality road.

HALF-SMILING PRACTICE ACTIVITY

You can accept reality with your face using the Half-smiling Skill.

Step 1: Imagine you are at a party where you do not want to be. Put on a phony grin, as if you are trying to make everyone think you are enjoying yourself.

Step 2: Notice how your face feels. Now relax the muscles of your face – start with the forehead, then move to your eyes, cheeks, mouth and jaw.

Step 3: When your face is relaxed, turn your lips slightly up at the corners – just until you feel it.

Discuss: Share the differences in how these two smiles make you feel. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Watch: “Mona Lisa” video.

6. The Willing Hands Skill is another way of accepting reality with your body. The essence of willing hands is this physical position: hands unclenched, palms up, fingers relaxed. Willing hands is part of opposite action for anger. Clenched hands are indicative of anger. Anger is often the opposite of accepting reality. Anger says, ‘What is should not be.’ Anger is an emotion that motivates you to try and change reality, to fight it, to overcome it.

WILLING HANDS ACTIVITY

Step 1: Sit still with your eyes closed. Imagine a conflict with someone that happened as recently as possible—one where you got really angry at the other person.

Let 15 seconds go by

Step 2: Put your hands on your thighs in a willing-hands position as you continue to imagine the conflict situation.

Let 15 seconds go by

Step 3: Notice did your acceptance go up, and anger go down? Did your sense of understanding or peace increase?

Discuss: Share your experience with the group.

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Watch: “Turning the Mind End Credits” video.

As we roll the Turning the Mind end credits think about what is the most important thing you learned in this session and what will you do differently because of what you learned. Write your thoughts below.

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Session Commitments 

Use the Willingness Practice Worksheet at least once during the week.

Practice Half-Smiling and Willing Hands every day.

 Complete the Weekly DBT Diary. 

Come prepared to the next session to share your experience using DBT skills.